“Stop being so anxious.” “Just relax.” “You’re overthinking everything.” “There’s nothing to worry about.”
If you struggle with anxiety, you’ve probably heard these well-meaning but frustrating responses from others. And maybe you’ve even said them to yourself, trying to logic your way out of the spinning thoughts and racing heart that seem to arrive uninvited at the worst possible moments.
But what if I told you that your anxiety isn’t your enemy? What if, instead of trying to silence or suppress it, you learned to listen to what it’s trying to tell you?
Anxiety, at its core, is a messenger. It’s your internal alarm system attempting to get your attention about something important. The problem isn’t that you have anxiety the problem is that most of us were never taught how to decode its messages or respond to them in healthy ways.
Today, I want to help you develop a new relationship with your anxiety. Instead of viewing it as something to eliminate, we’re going to explore how to understand it, work with it, and transform it from a source of suffering into a source of wisdom.
Reframing Anxiety: From Enemy to Ally
Our culture teaches us to view anxiety as a disorder, a malfunction, something to be medicated away or pushed down. While severe anxiety certainly can interfere with daily functioning and may require professional treatment, most anxiety serves an important evolutionary purpose.
Anxiety is designed to protect you. It’s your brain’s way of scanning for potential threats and preparing your body to respond. The challenge in our modern world is that our anxiety systems, calibrated for physical dangers, are now triggered by psychological and social threats that don’t require a fight-or-flight response.
Consider this shift in perspective:
- Instead of “I have anxiety disorder,” try “My anxiety system is very sensitive and protective”
- Instead of “My anxiety is irrational,” try “My anxiety is responding to something it perceives as threatening”
- Instead of “I need to get rid of my anxiety,” try “I need to understand what my anxiety is trying to protect me from”
This reframe doesn’t minimize the real distress that anxiety causes, but it opens up possibilities for a different kind of relationship with your internal alarm system.
The Language of Anxiety: Common Messages and Their Meanings
Anxiety speaks in sensations, thoughts, and behaviors. Learning to decode these signals is the first step in transforming your relationship with worry and fear.
Message 1: “Something is Out of Alignment”
How it shows up:
- Persistent worry about decisions you’ve made
- Feeling anxious in situations that “should” feel good
- Chronic low-level unease that you can’t pinpoint
- Feeling like you’re living someone else’s life
What might it mean: Your anxiety could be signaling that something in your life isn’t aligned with your authentic self. Maybe you’re in a job that doesn’t match your values, a relationship that doesn’t feel right, or living according to expectations that aren’t your own.
Questions to explore:
- Where in my life do I feel like I’m pretending or performing?
- What decisions have I made to please others rather than honor my own needs?
- Where do I feel most like myself, and where do I feel most disconnected from myself?
Message 2: “You Need Better Boundaries”
How it shows up:
- Anxiety before social situations or seeing certain people
- Worry about disappointing others or saying no
- Feeling overwhelmed by others’ emotions or problems
- Panic when asked to commit to something
What might it mean: Your anxiety might be highlighting areas where you need stronger boundaries. If you’re a people-pleaser or have difficulty saying no, your anxiety could be your internal wisdom recognizing that you’re taking on too much or allowing others to treat you in ways that don’t feel good.
Questions to explore:
- With whom do I feel most anxious, and what does that relationship dynamic look like?
- Where in my life do I give away my power or prioritize others’ comfort over my own well-being?
- What would change if I honored my own needs as much as I honor others’?
Message 3: “There’s Unprocessed Trauma or Grief”
How it shows up:
- Anxiety that seems disproportionate to current situations
- Being triggered by things that remind you of past experiences
- Hypervigilance or feeling unsafe in situations that are objectively safe
- Anxiety accompanied by depression or numbness
What it might mean: Sometimes anxiety is your nervous system’s way of saying that there are unhealed wounds from the past that need attention. Trauma and unprocessed grief can create a constant state of activation, making your system more sensitive to potential threats.
Questions to explore:
- When did I first remember feeling this kind of anxiety?
- What experiences from my past might still be affecting how I respond to current situations?
- Where in my body do I hold tension, and what memories or emotions live there?
Message 4: “You’re Avoiding Something Important”
How it shows up:
- Procrastination anxiety that increases as deadlines approach
- Anxiety about taking risks or making changes
- Feeling panicked when thinking about your dreams or goals
- Worry that keeps you stuck in your comfort zone
What it might mean: Paradoxically, sometimes anxiety increases when we’re avoiding something we actually need to do for our growth and well-being. Your anxiety might be highlighting the gap between where you are and where you need to go.
Questions to explore:
- What have I been putting off that I know would be good for me?
- What would I do if I weren’t afraid?
- Where is my anxiety actually protecting me from growth rather than danger?
Message 5: “Your Basic Needs Aren’t Being Met”
How it shows up:
- Anxiety that gets worse when you’re tired, hungry, or overwhelmed
- Feeling anxious about money, security, or stability
- Worry about health or safety
- Panic about not having enough time, resources, or support
What it might mean: Sometimes anxiety is as simple as your system saying “Hey, we need to take better care of ourselves!” When your basic physical and emotional needs aren’t being met, your nervous system stays in a state of activation.
Questions to explore:
- How well am I taking care of my basic needs for sleep, nutrition, movement, and connection?
- Where in my life do I feel unsupported or under-resourced?
- What would change if I prioritized my own well-being as much as I prioritize other responsibilities?
The Anxiety-Intuition Connection
Here’s something that might surprise you: anxiety and intuition are closely related. Both involve your body’s wisdom trying to communicate important information to your conscious mind. The difference is that intuition feels calm and clear, while anxiety feels urgent and chaotic.
Learning to distinguish between anxiety and intuition is a crucial skill:
Anxiety typically:
- Feels frantic and urgent
- Creates physical tension and activation
- Generates repetitive, circular thoughts
- Focuses on worst-case scenarios
- Feels overwhelming and out of control
Typical intuition:
- Feels calm and knowing
- Creates a sense of clarity or “rightness”
- Comes as simple, clear insights
- Focus on what needs to happen next
- Feels grounded and centered
The goal isn’t to eliminate anxiety, but to develop enough awareness that you can distinguish between anxiety that’s trying to protect you and anxiety that’s trying to guide you.
Practical Tools for Working with Anxiety as Messenger
- The STOP Technique
When you notice anxiety arising, practice this simple technique:
S – Stop what you’re doing and pause T – Take three deep breaths O – Observe what you’re feeling in your body and what thoughts are present P – Proceed with curiosity rather than judgment
This creates space between the anxiety and your reaction to it, allowing you to respond rather than react.
- The Anxiety Interview
When you’re feeling anxious, try having a conversation with your anxiety:
- “What are you trying to tell me?”
- “What are you worried about?”
- “What do you need me to know?”
- “How are you trying to protect me?”
- “What would help you feel more at ease?”
This approach treats anxiety as information rather than an intrusion.
- Body Scanning for Messages
Anxiety often speaks through physical sensations. Try this body scan:
- Where do you feel the anxiety in your body?
- What does that part of your body need?
- If that sensation could speak, what would it say?
- What would help that part of your body feel more relaxed?
- The Worry Window
Instead of trying to suppress anxious thoughts:
- Set aside 15-20 minutes daily as your “worry time”
- When anxious thoughts arise outside this window, remind yourself, “I’ll think about this during worry time.”
- During worry time, write down your concerns and explore what actions (if any) you can take
- This helps contain anxiety while still honoring its messages
- Values-Based Decision Making
When anxiety is related to decisions or life direction:
- Identify your core values
- Ask yourself: “What choice would be most aligned with my values?”
- Notice whether your anxiety decreases when you consider value-aligned options
- Use your values as a compass when anxiety creates confusion
When Anxiety Needs Professional Support
While learning to work with anxiety as a messenger is powerful, there are times when professional support is important:
Consider therapy when:
- Anxiety significantly interferes with your daily functioning
- You experience panic attacks that feel uncontrollable
- Anxiety is accompanied by depression, substance use, or self-harm
- You have trouble distinguishing between reasonable concerns and excessive worry
- Anxiety stems from trauma that needs specialized treatment
- You feel overwhelmed by trying to manage anxiety on your own
Particularly relevant for high-stress professions: If you work in corrections, law enforcement, healthcare, or other high-stress environments, your anxiety might be responding to real occupational hazards and traumas. This requires specialized support from someone who understands the unique challenges of your work environment.
Transforming Your Relationship with Anxiety
As you begin to listen to your anxiety as a messenger rather than silencing it as an enemy, you might notice some profound shifts:
From resistance to curiosity: Instead of fighting anxiety, you become curious about what it’s trying to communicate.
From shame to self-compassion: You begin to see anxiety as your system trying to protect you rather than as evidence that something is wrong with you.
From avoidance to action: When you understand what anxiety is pointing toward, you can take appropriate action rather than avoiding or numbing.
From isolation to connection: Sharing your anxiety experiences with trusted others helps you feel less alone and often reveals that your concerns are more universal than you thought.
From chaos to clarity: As you learn to decode anxiety’s messages, you develop greater self-awareness and emotional intelligence.
Living with Anxiety as Wisdom
Imagine what it would be like to live with your anxiety as a trusted advisor rather than a constant threat. Picture having a relationship with your worry where you could:
- Recognize when anxiety is highlighting something important that needs your attention
- Distinguish between helpful anxiety and unhelpful anxiety
- Respond to anxiety’s messages with appropriate action rather than panic
- Feel confident in your ability to handle whatever anxiety brings up
- Use anxiety as a tool for deeper self-understanding and growth
This doesn’t mean anxiety becomes comfortable or pleasant—it means it becomes workable. You develop the skills to be with anxiety without being overwhelmed by it.
The Paradox of Acceptance
Here’s one of the most powerful paradoxes in anxiety work: the more you accept and work with your anxiety, the less power it has over you. When you stop fighting anxiety and start listening to it, it often naturally decreases because it’s accomplished its purpose of getting your attention.
This doesn’t happen overnight, and it’s not about positive thinking your way out of anxiety. It’s about developing a fundamentally different relationship with your internal experience—one based on curiosity, compassion, and wisdom rather than fear and avoidance.
A Message of Hope
If you’ve been struggling with anxiety, please know that you’re not broken, weak, or fundamentally flawed. You have a sensitive, protective system that’s working overtime to keep you safe. Learning to understand and work with this system, rather than against it, can transform not just your anxiety but your entire relationship with yourself.
Your anxiety may be pointing you toward:
- Changes that need to be made in your life
- Boundaries that need to be established
- Healing that needs to happen
- Dreams that need to be pursued
- Self-care that needs to be prioritized
What would happen if you began to see your anxiety not as something to eliminate, but as something to understand? What wisdom might be waiting for you in those worried thoughts and racing heartbeats?
Your anxiety has been trying to tell you something important. Are you ready to listen?
Taking the Next Step
Learning to work with anxiety as a messenger is a skill that develops over time with practice and often with professional support. If you’re ready to develop a healthier relationship with your anxiety:
- Start with self-compassion. Your anxiety makes sense and serves a purpose.
- Practice curiosity. Instead of judging your anxiety, get curious about what it’s trying to communicate.
- Seek support when needed. A therapist who understands anxiety can help you decode its messages and develop healthy coping strategies.
- Be patient with the process. Changing your relationship with anxiety takes time and practice.
- Trust your wisdom. You have the capacity to understand and work with your anxiety in healthy ways.
Remember: You are not your anxiety. You are a person with anxiety, and that anxiety, properly understood, might just be one of your greatest sources of wisdom and self-protection.
About the Author:
Dr. Alinda Swanigan is a licensed therapist and certified life coach with a unique understanding of anxiety born from her 10.5 years working in corrections—an environment where hypervigilance and anxiety responses are essential for survival, but can become problematic in civilian life.
As the author of “The Blessing in Being Overlooked” and founder of HerRebirthJourney nonprofit, Dr. Therapiva specializes in helping people, especially those from high-stress careers, transform their relationship with anxiety from enemy to ally. She believes anxiety isn’t something to eliminate, but rather a messenger carrying important information about our needs, boundaries, and authentic path.
Her approach combines evidence-based anxiety treatment with deep compassion for the protective nature of worry. Through her work at True Self Wellness, she helps clients decode anxiety’s messages and develop the confidence to respond from their wisdom rather than their fear.
Learn more about anxiety treatment and transformation at True Self Wellness @ trueselfwellness.me.